We've Moved!

We've moved to a new site, redesigned for our glorious rebirth: http://thenotsomuchnews.blogspot.com!

Come on over for new videos, content and everything we brought you before.

Anand Ramakrishnan--New site, same stupid management.

No video this week.

I know. I suck the balls. My bad.

The Not So Much News: In a Minute - August 3, 2008

The Not So Much News: In a Minute for August 3, 2008. I'm sorry I've been a large wad about this entire blog, but I'm choosing to focus more on the video side of things to prepare for the future. What does that mean? I don't know. I'll try to be more regular with this!

Yours,

Anand Ramakrishnan, Born on the 22nd of July.

The Not So Much News: In a Minute - Bloopers!

I screw up. A lot. Fortunately, I've caught most of it on camera for you all to see. Enjoy! And also, thank you to anyone who has been watching them up to this point. I appreciate that quite a bit.

The Not So Much News: In a Minute How-To Edition!

You know, it's been twenty videos, so I suppose it's time to reveal how it is I do what I do. As you can guess, it's absolutely boring and there is nothing special about it. But I had fun making this how-to video! Enjoy. Also, next week will be the oh-so-hilarious blooper reel, so stay tuned!

The Not So Much News: In a Minute - July 6, 2008

The Not So Much News: In a Minute for Sunday, July 6, 2008. You'd be surprised how hard it is to get a new, better webcam to work. Still got some bugs to tweak, but I'm working on it. In the meantime, enjoy! Also, only two more weeks until my super special awesome bloopers video.

R-E-T-A-I-L

The Not So Much News is proud to present yet another amazing guest writer, Leanne McAdams. Her insights into the world of things that aren't really news is, to put a quality to it, fantastizzle. That's right, I just went there. Enjoy.

The world of retail is like Catholic high school; unfortunately, retail only reminds me of high school in the sense that it makes me remember the day when I tripped on the stairs when I was wearing a kilt, or when I got yelled at for having an inadequate calculator in math class or when I said ‘Oh my God’ and got a scolding from a teacher.

The only major difference in being employed in retail is that instead of facing the (often humiliating) scrutiny of your peers, you have customers speculating your hair colour (“oh, your roots look like they need to be re-touched, hon”), your skin tone (“do you ever get out in sun? It’s called a spray tan”), or your body type (well, you have a little bit more….around… than I do”).

But just as working in retail allows me to remember every embarrassing comment or moment I had in high school, it really reminds me that I face interesting people everyday who really just want to be happy with themselves, like in those Dove commercials. At least I think that’s the moral of the story. But I wasn’t looking for a moral…wow, brown goes so great with orange…

Anand: Brown goes good with anything. But do focus.

Oh, right! The point I’m making is that working in retail means getting involved with a cast of unpredictable characters, much like the crazy realm of high school.

Take Miss Shops A Lot, for example. You can go anywhere and see Miss Shops A Lot; she’s like an inferior Bette Midler with a one-woman show that plays seven days a week. Unfortunately, she doesn’t entertain you with “Wind Beneath My Wings”, but makes you run around to find her a smaller size. By the by, never suggest a bigger size. She buys everything and anything, and if it looks terrible—she considers it a fashion challenge. If you’re working in the store of her choice on that day, get ready for a shopping tornado; it’s an F5 every time. Yeah, that’s right, a Twister reference just happened. But on a more serious level, I’m jealous of her. It’s my dream to live off of my husband’s money, have 16 credit cards and shop day after day. Oh, the possibilities! At the very least, it’ll guarantee me a spot on Oprah for a show covering debt or divorce or shopaholics. It’s really a win-win.

Then comes the polar opposite to Miss Shops A Lot, one that we retail folk call The Repeat Offender. Although this type of shopper sounds like she carries some sort of crazy weaponry, she chooses to play it safe. Her weapon of choice: mind games with the red headed sales associate with a bad temper. She can get anyone to believe she’s interested in everything in the store simply because she tries everything on. But, oh no, she decides she wants a different size, or a different colour and by the time anyone can realize that she’s created Mount Everest in her dressing room, she’s walking out the door saying she’ll come back and try again tomorrow. She’s inspired the ‘book off every other day to retain sanity’ regime in retail. You can either deal with this type of shopper, or do what I do and yell ‘break time!’ and run (don’t walk, run) to the break room. It works, and it’s only got me fired twice.

Between Miss Shops A Lot and The Repeat Offender walks in a little someone I call The Sweet Talker. She’s the type of shopper every sales associate wants to be around, the kind we sit at the door waiting for. Not only does she makes me feel good about working in retail, but she makes me feel that like Mary Tyler Moore. Makes me feel as if I now believe I can make it after all. Even insults sound good coming from a shopper like this because she understands the concept of feelings. Oh, feelings. She might say something like ‘This top is really a disgusting shade…but it would look good with your hair colour.’ Oh… well, at least she says it nicely enough that it makes me think it’s true. Conviction: that’s what it’s really all about, right? Hey, it’s what makes my commission.

Now, of course, there are several other types of shoppers. Much like a dog, the breeds of shopper are pure and mixed to make hundreds and even thousands of types. But learning to deal with every kind takes patience and attention; and both are skills I’ve lost from watching too much TV as a child. So, the important thing is to keep some sort of dream alive on the side (even if your dream is only to one day win a pie eating contest) because working in retail is really a moot point. At least a pie eating contest will make you famous for a day.

Leanne McAdams, Senior "Thinks you can't fit inside it, but won't say anything until you stretch out the damn thing" Correspondent.